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The Last Goodbye

Some regrets are unfathomable and resides with you for your entire lifetime. I also have one deepest remorse that stays with me and forever will, since my childhood. It was around this time two decades back, when my father left us. He was in good health, just little issues for which he was leaving along with my mother. We (my sister and I) were asked to stay back. And that stubborn little child which I used to be, I chose not to look at him in angst, when he was bidding adieu, never ever to return.

I was standing there indignant on an uphill

Wearing a white dress, gazing standstill

He called my name as he walked

But poignant me stood there balkedΒ 

Little did I know what I was going to taste in the very near future

 Adamant I stood in my own thoughts and conjectures

I saw him going and reaching till the car

How would I be knowing he will go that far

He wasn’t taking me along was my mere complain

But, may be, leaving us to stay with our known was the real mundane

For once I thought to yell hard and say stop! Daddy, don’t go

But the obstinate me decided to only let the anger flow

Smiling mischievously he waved his hand and said bye, we are leaving

And I turned my back disbelieving

I wanted to turn and look at you for once

But I don’t know why, I was in a trance

The last goodbye you bid

Shattering us into pieces, oh where you did hid

If I would know you would fade away

In a week, on the coming Saturday

I would have hugged you and never let you go off

But this is what, is life’s payoff

It leaves you with unanswered questions

To unfold in layers by your true and worthy actions

I will regret this my whole life and sigh

What if once, only for once I would have turned and bid you my last good bye

But the time and moments gone you can never rectify and repeat

However, it leaves a void incomplete.

79 replies on “The Last Goodbye”

Oh that’s so heartbreaking, I am so so sorry for your loss and that too two of them. I wonder that’s why you related it so well. Yes dear, we should indeed value and give time to our loved ones as one never know when will life end.

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I relate so much to your story, I too had a similar trauma at 11. I adored my father was daddy’s little girl and only child..He was about to leave for the hospital to have a minor surgery, I was late for school. My mom said, come give your daddy a kiss he will be gone for a few days..and I was too in a hurry to catch the bus..I just waved “Bye Daddy, see you in a few days” and that was the last I saw him.He died in surgery. I felt this terrible regret which like you, has lasted. This experience opened two things for me. I. It started me writing poetry more seriously,..I found refuge in my poetry…and 2. It taught me that life is fragile and never be too in a hurry to hug and tell someone you love them. Don’t wait until tomorrow..do it today. Thank you for sharing your regret…Hugs you ..I understand.

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Firstly thanks so much for your time and reading my grief stricken thoughts.
And secondly, I couldn’t resist my emotions to flow hearing your story. I can truly empathize you dear.
Yes, for me too poetry is something where I can pour my thoughts, my regrets, my angst, anguish.. anything and everything…
My heart goes out to you dear..
Stay blessed..
Much Love and hugs to you back πŸ€—β€οΈ

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Yes we are dear.
Love and best wishes to you too for your endeavors ahead in your life.
Thanks again.
Samreen πŸ€—

Liked by 1 person

My heart goes out to you Karima. There would always be so many regrets in life, so many said and unsaid things.
We know so little about life … but I do believe it is better to remember and focus on happier memories.
May God be with you. Love and blessings.

Liked by 3 people

Beautiful, heartfelt poem. My children were devastated when they lost their father at ages ten and twelve. They lost both grandfathers the same year. It is a very hard thing to endure, and something you never forget. Your lovely poem expresses your experience so beautifully. Thank you for sharing it. ❀

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Thanks so much for your message and I am really sorry for your loss. I can truly relate to the devastation which you and your children went through. As a child myself back then I saw my mother wither into pieces. It’s harsh brunt of life.
Thanks again very much for your time and reading. Means a lot ❀️
Regards
Samreen

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Thanks so very much for giving in your time reading it. I am actually feeling a bit better by sharing my years of hidden regret which Of course ever will be, but hearing from fellow bloggers I feel not so much in wilderness.
Thanks again so much. 😊
Regards
Samreen

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It is a blessing in itself to just share that pain, it allows years of caging it up to be set free and begin a life of creating instead of reacting. And deep within its journey there is a light, your light.
When you finally ‘see’ and understand those heartfelt fears from a child who had no other emotional coping strategies but to hold up a wall and blocking the constant pain this world brings…you will also see that it has great purpose. For this very journey asks us all to understand ‘conditional love’ so that when we see our fears for what they are we will see that we hold such negativities against ourselves that we couldn’t love the one person that matters most…us.
In understanding why we react to our fears we will change it and it will lose its power over us forever and allow us to love that one person…unconditionally. That search for love and happiness has never been ‘out there’, but gently waiting in our hearts to be set free in that understanding. A hard journey yes, but a necessary one so that we can truly find what love is.
We cannot know and appreciate happiness unless we know and understand sadness, and on through each of our emotions. And we most certainly cannot know and understand ‘unconditional love’ unless we know and understand ‘conditional love’. And those fears and negativities is that ‘conditional love’ we place on ourselves…but it is leading us to something magical, something so profound that when you see it, it will leave you in tears. Not fears tears but the tears of such wonderful happiness because you have just seen and understood you and the reason behind it all. It is the meaning of life…your life ❀️ πŸ™πŸΌ πŸ¦‹

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Oh I am so so overwhelmed by your message, that really speaks volume. I truly have no words to express my gratitude that you actually took your time to respond. Thanks so much. I sincerely appreciate every word you wrote.
We really do forget that one person ‘us’ and entangle ourselves in a series of cobwebs difficult to detangle but it is us only who can come to our own rescue.
“we cannot know happiness unless we go through sadness” truly apt.πŸ‘
Thanks so so much for your time and sharing life abiding thoughts to live by.
Means a lot. Truly obliged. 😊

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My pleasure dear Samreen, it is a journey that I had been blessed to ‘see’ and I could do no other but share it with the love it was given to me. If you would like to know more just wander to my blog, It is dedicated to it and I have written all that I can from my understanding of this journey. I am not interested in the ‘likes’ etc but most certainly knowing that I can help another have light in their eyes after a very long road. It gives courage, hope and faith that there is meaning in all that we do, and will indeed find a love beyond any words that I could describe it with, it is just beyond words ❀️ πŸ™πŸΌ πŸ¦‹

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Thanks again a tonne for your message and for spreading light in your own way to make this world more beautiful. Would love to read your blog posts surely.
Stay safe, take care
Samreen😊

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Thanks so much for understanding and getting deep into what I actually wanted to convey. Means a lot really πŸ€—
Take care
Regards
Samreen

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This is so touching, so emotional, it made me really really sad while reading. I came to read about smoky chicken but this post just below caught my eyes, and I will read smoky chicken some other day. Aren’t we are all like that – our hearts urge us to turn back at those moments but we still remain obstinate – only to rue the moment later but not being able to turn it back again. You were still a child after all … And sometimes the weight of the matter overweighs everything else, but you write so beautifully …

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Thank you so much Deb for giving it a read and getting into the insight of it so well. Means a lot really.😊
We are like that, we don’t live in the crux of the matter at that very point of time, we evade situations and when time passes by, what we are left with are only regrets, unfortunately.
Stay safe and happy
‘Samreen’

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Dear dear Samreen. What can I say. My heart does go out to you.

I used to live in Mumbai and my parents used to live with my eldest sister in Chandigarh. Both were old (incidentally they were together for 71 yearsπŸ’–) and when direct flights started from Mumbai to Chandigarh I started to go to Chandigarh every month on a weekend. Mothers are so sweet… she used to tell me in Punjabi β€œWhy do you spend so much money to come just for a day!”

On this fateful cold winter day I was sitting with her in the sun. Wanted to spend 10-15 minutes talking to her before I left. All of a sudden didi came and said we need to leave immediately. She had some errands to run before going to the airport. And I had to give mama a hurried hug and leave πŸ˜”That was the last time I saw her alive.

You were so young Samreen. It was a natural response of a child. You have expressed yourself so beautifully. Please don’t be hard on yourself. That helps no one. Shower extra love on your mother.

And if it is any solace or consolation: look at me like a father. I would surely love you like a daughter. Time heals nothing … but love can always ease our pains πŸ’–πŸ€—πŸ’–

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Firstly, am so obliged you considered me worthy enough to tell about your family. Very sorry for your loss😟Hearing the same kind of happenings, my burden of regret eases a bit that I am not the only one in wilderness. I think this is life, it leaves you awestruck at times when you are not ready for it.
But times passes and we do live for life. 😊
Yes, we do love our mother very very muchπŸ™‚
Am so so immensely grateful to you for your kind gesture. That truly means a lot. I do look at you like my father figure, Ashok UncleπŸ€—πŸ’–
Thanks so much. Stay safe πŸ™‚

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Of course I would share my life stories with you Samreen. You are my think alike niece πŸ’–πŸ€—
Incidentally it was Priyanka’s (the third girl I had married off) 13th wedding anniversary yesterday. She calls me β€˜my angel’ and her daughter calls me nanu 😊😍

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That’s really very good to hear, not everyone is like that. Like father, like son. 😊He must be having the same thoughts like my husband πŸ™‚ He also has given me full freedom to do things, no strings attached and always besides me.

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I am so sorry Uncle to keep you waiting. Actually, today it’s weekend here in Qatar, so a bit busy and my son, he hardly gives me time. And as my husband is at home today, he is super excited πŸ˜€
I will surely respond to you in a while and I so want to actually. πŸ™‚

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Wenn man in der Seele
von einem Menschen
tief ergriffen
er von uns Abschied nimmt
bleibt eine blutende Wunde
in uns offen
die man im Herzen
voll Trauer durch das
eigene Leben tragen wird

***

When you are in the soul
from a human
deeply moved
he says goodbye to us
remains a bleeding wound
open in us
the one in the heart
full of sadness by that
will carry its own life

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